And it's about time. FINALLY the citizens of Ohio can call one another "retard" without worry of indicting someone with a genuine disability! But we must be careful to welcome the era of The New Retarded by designating its appropriate use. And this is no simple task. The term's usefulness, no longer hindered by the confusion in reference to the disabled, can be appreciated for its versatility.
Let us not insult those with genuine disabilities by lumping them into the same category as someone that would write this book. A spiritual medium for pets is much more deserving of any negative connotations that accompany the term.2. "Rome, Georgia is retarded.
"
I do recognize the awesomeness of having a public sculpture of Remus and Romulus suckling a giant wolf teet. But having the audacity to keep a monument from Mussolini in front of City Hall is deserving of those negative connotations.
3. "The Snuggie is retarded."
Again, we ought to realize the real diversity of this term. As it turns out, the Snuggie is absolutely brilliant. Being able to repackage a blanket as new technology is nothing short of genius. Nevertheless, the phenomenon itself is retarded even if my Mom's glee [pictured left] suggests otherwise.
4. "The consideration of this as lunch is retarded."
A few months ago I attended the state of Ohio's debate tournament. We were told that lunch was provided. Then we were shown a table with pretzels, suckers, and candybars. Mind you, this is my ideal meal. Nevertheless, it is retarded.
5. "My outfit is retarded."
The Flash is the greatest superhero of all time. He ought to be commemorated with T shirts. As well, everyone ought to have a sister-in-law to sew Flash pajama pants for them. But retard-na-tricity is something that is not undone by the presence of even the Flash. Indeed, even this outfit is retarded.
It is hard for anyone to look at this picture and not instantly understand The New Retarded. In fact, it has inspired a T shirt. Find it here: http://www.cafepress.com/tgoc
